Our world is full of contradictions.
We seem to be increasingly connected by technology yet divided by misunderstanding. Every single one of us can probably recall at time where we felt misunderstood while communicating with a person, and in such situations, it can sometimes feel like communication barriers are insurmountable.
But I'm here to tell you that they are.
In a world where innovation is driven by collaboration and teamwork, the importance of communication in a technological age cannot be overstated. Yet I have found that communication, besides being an integral part of creating lasting change, is laden with very human emotions. I don't think it's incorrect to say that we live in an emotional world, and I believe at the heart of effective communication lies emotional curiosity—the drive to understand and connect with the emotions of ourselves and others.
It's human nature to be led by emotions, and therefore, the ways in which we communicate with each other are filled with a variety of emotions, feelings, perspectives, and ideas. Balancing all of these can be tricky, but mastering using emotional curiosity is a great step towards improving existing connections and forming new connections.
In today's blog, I want to explore how emotional curiosity, a natural and trainable skill, can dismantle these communication barriers laden with charged emotions, and create stronger interpersonal connections with those we value.
Understanding Emotional Curiosity
Almost every human being is driven by a natural curiosity about the world around us, and some might even say that curiosity is so innate that we tend to not even notice its impact on our everyday decision making. I find curiosity to be a very interesting way of thinking about emotions, because it's a very neutral, internal state of being that drives us -- no one forces us to "want" to know something.
Think about it: how much time do you dedicate each day to seeking out new information, even when it has no survival purpose (i.e. eating, sleeping, drinking, etc.)? Watching the news, Google searching, or reading books -- and blogs -- seem like natural parts of modern life, driven by the very human hunger for knowledge and awareness.
And the same can be said of emotions.
Emotional curiosity is similar to emotional intelligence (and requires it), but at its core, it's simply the desire to learn and understand one’s own emotions and the emotions of others without judgment.
It’s more than simply noticing when you or someone else is upset or happy; it’s about delving deeper into the why and how of their emotional states. It is a key component of emotional intelligence and can help individuals develop a greater understanding of themselves and others, and allow us to suspend judgment to effectively navigate strong emotions.
By being naturally curious about one’s emotions, individuals can gain a greater understanding of themselves and others, and develop a more effective emotional management process. We regain control from the throes of passion and emotion by being curious, by asking "why," and approaching our emotional states with objectivity and a desire to learn.
A friend of mine shared a story that I think illustrates this point perfectly: he was an undergraduate student in an upper-division calculus class, and his professor wrote a very complicated problem on the whiteboard. Before asking his students to work through it, he said that the professor chuckled and turned to the class, saying:
"This problem is complicated, right? Doesn't is frustrate you? It frustrates me!
When you look at this problem, and any complicated problem in life, my best advice is to ask 'why?'
Why don't I understand this? Why am I so frustrated? Why am I sitting here at 7AM staring at this complex equation that I may never see or use again?
Get fascinated by how ridiculous this situation is and how silly it is to get so mad at numbers on a whiteboard. I promise that getting curious about the ridiculous will empower you to solve any equation."
The Impact of Emotional State on Communication
Our emotions heavily dictate the ways in which we communicate.
And while it's no secret that emotional state can have a significant impact on communication, emotions such as anxiety and stress more often than not result in decreased communication effectiveness. On the opposite end, positive emotions like happiness, excitement and pride can make communication feel open, effortless, and expressive.
Emotional curiosity can help individuals become more aware of their own emotions no matter if they are positive or negative, and think objectively about how it affects their communication with other people. For example, regularly checking in with yourself before big meetings can prepare you for any emotionally charged interactions that may occur.
Say that a supervisor conveys feedback in this meeting and you know that you're already feeling anxious; simply acknowledging these emotions can help you plan your response, reaction, and steps forward. It gives you the space to look at things objectively, and choose whether to let these emotions impact your current state.
Breaking Down Communication Barriers
Effective communication, I believe, is equal parts an art and science.
Whether it be through tone of voice, body language, or facial expressions, communication can often signal a variety of emotions at any given time, and how a person communicates can be just as important as what it is they are saying. Because communication can be so complex and has many different layers, it's no wonder that most everyone encounters some form of communication barriers in their interactions with other.
Communication barriers can arise from individual perceptions, language differences, physical distractions, and cultural contexts. For instance, one's own insecurities can cause a piece of feedback meant as constructive to be taken as harsh and inappropriate.
But emotional curiosity can help individuals overcome these barriers by encouraging them to ask questions and seek to understand others’ perspectives. Asking about the "why" enables us to hold off on passing judgment or responding out of anger and hurt; it gives us more tools to understand the other party's perspective.
Emotional curiosity leads us towards solutions to breaking down these barriers by:
- Recognizing biases: Acknowledge and address your own preconceived notions or judgments, which may interfere with remaining objective in a conflict of communication.
- Asking open-ended questions: Encourage dialogue by asking questions that invite more than a yes/no response, extending an opportunity for understanding rather than argument.
- Practicing patience: Allow yourself and others the time to articulate thoughts and feelings.
- Seeking clarification: If something is unclear, ask for more information rather than making assumptions; you might often find that people are far more open to offering more specifics than risk being misunderstood.
Creating a Comfortable Environment for Communication
A comfortable environment—both physical and emotional—is crucial for open and effective communication. It's difficult to build emotional intelligence and curiosity if we don't feel that our environment is conducive to openness and genuine, deeper connections.
In short, people are more likely to share their thoughts and feelings when they feel safe and valued, and this all starts with fostering the proper environment.
Effective steps towards creating this comfortable environment include:
- Careful selection of a physical Space: Choose a quiet, neutral location free from distractions or interruptions.
- Maintaining awareness of body Language: Use open, inviting gestures and maintain eye contact.
- Active encouragement: Validate the other person’s feelings and express appreciation for their openness whenever possible
- Setting the right boundaries: Respect personal boundaries and establish mutual understanding of conversational expectations.
Leveraging Technology in Communication
Technology is such a hit-or-miss when it comes to building up our emotional intelligence.
Beyond the variability in face-to-face communication,text messages and emails are even more diverse in how people convey their thoughts. Some folks prefer a very expressive texting style, while others are more formal, and depending on the receiver, both could be interpreted incorrectly. We essentially lack the key physical cues for knowing what emotions are behind the message.
But while technology can sometimes exacerbate communication barriers, it also offers tools to bridge gaps and foster connections. Platforms for video calls, messaging apps, and collaborative tools make it easier than ever to stay connected across distances.
Effective uses of technology that can promote greater emotional well being include:
- Using visual sues: Video calls allow for facial expressions and gestures to supplement verbal communication and simulating in-person human interaction.
- Choose accessible platforms that are easy to use: Choose communication tools that are user-friendly and widely available, reducing the likelihood for user-interface problems causing miscommunications.
- Clarity in writing: When texting or emailing, strive for clear and concise language to avoid misinterpretation, with special consideration for the receiver.
- Set appropriate digital boundaries: Establish healthy norms for response times and availability to prevent burnout; for example, recommending that all work-related communications go through a workplace messaging app, rather than through text messages on personal phones.
Conclusion
Emotional curiosity is a transformative tool for breaking down communication barriers, and I cannot overstate its importance. Through breaking these barriers with curiosity, we learn to communicate in a positive, empowered way that fosters trust, stronger relationships, and even personal growth.
By striving to understand the emotions of others, managing our own emotional states, and creating supportive environments—both physical and digital—we can foster stronger, more meaningful connections wherever we go.
In today’s fast-paced world, it's easy to forget that people will be people; that they will come with their own history, experience, biases, and emotions. Taking the time to truly nurture these skills can lead to more empathetic and effective communication, enriching both our personal and professional lives.
