Talk to Magie“Have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” – Maya AngelouWhen I think about this quote, I’m always left with a sense of courage, and an appreciation for just how daunting trusting others can truly be.One of the scariest but more rewarding actions we can take as human beings is to extend trust to others; the fear here lies in the amount of vulnerability we must express when we place our faith in another person. Human beings are naturally averse to being vulnerable, and it has to do with our need to appear strong, and avoid being perceived as weak.The trouble is, beingvulnerable is one of the most critical things we need to do in order to foster trust.For many, trusting is easy. For others, trust issues can stall our relationships, color our outlook negatively, and poison our confidence. People can develop severe trust issues for any number of reasons, ranging from betrayals by trusted individuals, childhood trauma, or even toxic relationship dynamics.But alas, trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether in the workplace, within a family, or among friends. Developing a trust mindset can be challenging for many people, especially if you have a past history of being let down by those you once trusted, or were raised in environments where vulnerability was often perceived as a weakness. However, healing the wounds of the past and embracing vulnerability are essential for building genuine trust; the kind of trust that propels us forward to our greatest aspirations.In today’s blog post, I want to talk about the power of trust, when and where trust issues tend to arise for many, and how you can confidently build authentic trust throughout your social network. Through exploring trust, I want every one of you — my dear readers — to be reminded of just how beautiful a gift trust can be, and how we can give ourselves permission to place our faith in others by fostering deeper, more authentic connections.
Understanding trust issues
“Trust issues” is a phrase that gets thrown around quite a bit, but to me, “trust issues” refers to a set of beliefs, actions, and habits that individuals engage in when they have difficulties placing trust in other people. Individuals with trust issues can find it difficult to engage with others on a more personal level, and may not feel safe, respected, or accepted by others despite not seeing evidence of their untrustworthiness.
Trust issues are most commonly related to:
Past betrayal: Experiences of betrayal, such as infidelity, dishonesty, or broken promises, can create deep-seated trust issues that pervade future relationships. The fear of being hurt again can make it difficult to trust others in the future, and it is a maladaptive defense mechanism meant to protect ourselves.
Insecurity and low self-esteem: Individuals with feelings of low self-esteem or insecurity may struggle with trust issues, as they may doubt their worthiness of trust andfear rejection or abandonment. This is very common in persons with anxious attachment styles, where individuals tend to appraise themselves negatively and doubt the behaviors, words, and emotions of others.
Fear of vulnerability: Trust issues often arise from a fear of vulnerability and closeness. The idea of being open and exposed can feel too risky, especially if past experiences have taught you that vulnerability leads to pain.
Cultural or familial norms: Sometimes, trust issues are learned behaviors passed down through family or cultural norms that emphasize self-reliance and caution in trusting others, which is not always necessarily maladaptive. However, when these behaviors interfere with our relationships and dealing with negative feelings in the present moment, it may be time to pick apart some potentially problematic habits we’ve internalized from our childhood.
Trust is a critical part of any relationship in life, and without it, it’s difficult to have healthy, long-lasting relationships founded upon mutual trust.
Trust issues can manifest in various ways, such as:
Assuming the worst: individuals with trust issues fall into a negative cycle of thinking, often assuming the worst of others and not believing their intentions are honest. They may focus on the sparse amount of evidence in a person’s untrustworthiness rather than the greater amount of evidence in their reliability.
Isolation: if you distrust others, you tend to minimize your contact with other people. Isolation behavior is common in people with trust issues, as it is a method meant to minimize future hurt by simply creating fewer opportunities.
Lack of forgiveness: people with trust problems have difficulties forgiving others and may hold on to feelings of betrayal and past hurt long afterwards. They may carry these grudges throughout life and may wrongfully accept that they will never get over what happened.
Lack of confidence: difficulties with trusting others often leads to issues in trusting ourselves. The internal security we work so hard to maintain can be shaken by thoughts that doubt our worthiness or our ability to overcome betrayal.
Toxic relationships or friendships: people with trust issues take longer to establish intimacy and trust within their romantic relationships. While trust often takes time, people with severe trust anxieties may never reach a healthy level of trust with their partners.
Strategies for overcoming trust issues
Overcoming trust issues means to give yourself permission to heal the wounds of the past, embrace authenticity, and work through your specific trust anxieties to make a lasting change in your relationships. Healing is never an easy road, but once we become aware of how our trust issues have impacted our happiness, we become better equipped to break the cycle.Trust-building strategies include being open about past experiences, communicating with partners, and forgiving others for mistakes. We can do this in a step-by-step process that champions mindfulness, a shift in mindset, and a redirection of our intentions.
Reflect:
Acknowledge your feelings about openness and trusting others, and be as honest as you can. This exercise can involve journaling, free association, or simply thinking intently about different things that have happened in your life that may have informed your mindset regarding trust. Where there any situations in your past where you felt betrayed or felt that you could not rely on others?An example could be journaling about past romantic relationships that ended due to jealousy, and how trust (or lack thereof) played a role. It’s important to not attach blame or judgment to anyone — especially yourself — and remember that reflection is only meant to identify, not to condone or punish.
Practice self-compassion:
If you struggle with trust issues, understand that they are a natural response to past pain. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are doing your best to heal from the past. Forgive yourself for any past mistakes and recognize how your views on trust may have directed the course of your behavior, relationships, or opinions.Celebrate the progress you make in overcoming trust issues, no matter how small. Recognize that healing is a journey, not a destination, and that every second spent placing effort into your growth is an achievement in and of itself.
Progress gradually:
Like most big changes, successfully overcoming trust issues doesn’t happen overnight. Start by practicing trust in small, low-risk situations, and gradually build your confidence as you learn to naturally trust others in your social circle.Building trust and repairing trust issues can involve very small baby steps such as trusting only a few family members with minor tasks or information. You can develop a greater sense of confidence as you watch how others follow through on their promises, whether big or small.
Challenge negative beliefs:
Mindfulness always comes into play when talking about changing our mindset, especially when healing from trust issues. We want to replace a guarded, negative mindset with a positive trust mindset that lets us establish closeness with others, whether they be friends, romantic partners, or family members.Certain negative beliefs common in people with trust issues include thinking in extremes such as, “everyone always betrays me,” or, “no one can be trusted.”Challenging these beliefs through mindfulness includes seeking evidence to the contrary, such as focusing on times where close friends respected your trust in them, or followed through on a promise.
Communicate your needs and boundaries:
Communication is the cornerstone of building trust, and effective communication is often needed most while we rebuild trust after a history of distrustful behavior patterns. It’s okay to communicate to others that you take time to trust people, and let them know what you need to feel supported and respected.It is also important to be open about your boundaries, or things that you find necessary in order to work through trust issues. This could include asking to not discuss past relationships with new romantic partners, or explaining to a supervisor that you would like more frequent feedback on progress.
Conclusion
Cultivating a trust mindset requires embracing vulnerability and recognizing that true strength comes from being open, honest, and authentic. Trust issues cannot be repaired overnight, but I am confident that every one of you has the power to break the cycle and move forward with a trust mindset.By getting comfortable with working through trust isses, you can build deeper, more meaningful connections and create an environment where trust thrives. Whether in your personal relationships or as a leader in the workplace, the journey toward a trust mindset is one that leads to greater resilience, collaboration, and overall well-being.
